Do I Matter?

I often find myself asking silly questions, because they really are. I know what my Heavenly Father says about me. But sometimes I go there… I matter? Does anyone care? Honestly these questions seem to come when I’m having a pity party, LOL. Oh, how we can get so wrapped up in our feelings. I read an awesome passage the other day that has stood out to me and has confirmed (again) how much God cares for us, more than we can comprehend.

I spent a long weekend with some precious ladies in ministry. Spent a lot of time in the Old Testament and talking about Sabbath. But it was one story I read in Nehemiah that has stood out to me. Nehemiah 3:12- we meet Shallum & his daughters. After they have returned to their promised land and are exiled no more the rebuilding of the wall starts to take place. The previous chapter we see who all is helping and with the help of their sons. Except Shallum, he only has daughters. It says he owned a good portion of Jerusalem and he made repairs along with his daughters help. We don’t know how many he had or their names but it does mention them. God cared for them so much that their work did not go unlooked. They were mentioned in the bible!!! I’m sure these women at times were faced with unthinkable challenges, they were not men. But they persevered, they knew this was a sacred covenant with God. God had let them return to their promised land and start the rebuilding of it.

Do not ever think you are not valuable, YOU ARE! This verse confirms we are not forgotten. God cared for Shallum’s daughters, and now you and me can read this chapter and know that it is true in our own lives. Hold fast-what you do does matter. You matter more than know!

Throne Room

In the book of Esther, where I have been since January, we see repeatedly where in order to enter in the presence of the king you have to be summoned or if you’re in his courts the gold scepter had to be extended to you.

Last night at our church the youth sang a song about being in the throne room of God’s presence. There was a line that got me “The veil is torn, the doors swing wide, I see glory as I run inside the throne room, before you I bow”. I completely felt that in the depths of my soul.

I’m so glad I can before God and take Him my request. I don’t need a ritual, I don’t need an approval of someone I can go straight in to His presence. As a child of God you have that same authority-Go before God and make the most secret places in your heart known to God. He hears us, holds us, comforts us, speaks words of affirmation to us, sows words of destiny! Let those doors swing wide and walk boldly to the Throne Room.

What is the cost?

I love to shop. Period. It’s something I truly enjoy, I like to browse at all my options too before I make that purchase….which drives my husband crazy(LOL) because he just walks in and gets what he needs. Not me. I want to see it all and then make my mind up on what I will buy. I also always check for deals, I love a good deal. What does it cost, is it on sale, clearance, can I use a coupon? Yup that is me.

What is the cost of following Jesus and living a life that reflects HIM? I’m not here to tell you what to do, I just want you to read what I have experienced. Then you can decide and pray for what this will look like in your life-because all of our walks are different. For me it was changing the way I did things-they were no longer working. God was requiring of me more time with Him. Honestly at first I argued with God and gave Him all the reasons why I did not have the extra time. 1. I have 3 kids-I literally feel somedays like I do everything for them. 2. I work for and with my husband-too stressed. 3. I like to clean and tidy up my home and that’s never ending. 4. Church activities 5. meal planning-everyone eats different things 6. What about down time God…do I get any? 7. After school activities for kids (3) I AM A TAXI CAB 8. Time with my spouse 9. Laundry- that needs its own number. 10. Answering text and emails(rolling my eyes) 11. Planning for the future or even the next day. OKAY this can go on and on you get the point. What does it cost?

The answer is me. It cost me. I had to get over myself and make time for the most important thing ever! My relationship with HIM! Spending time in His word and presence at the beginning of each morning is critical for me. It’s HIS time and I need it. Through being in his word and presence things started to change, boundaries were drawn and some things that were ok suddenly were not anymore. Change takes place, friendships change, attitude checks, thought process change, more love less judgement, grace, forgiveness, peace, silence, less list’s, lowered MY expectations, raised my prayer time, dream bigger/faith bigger, priorities change, laugh more, cry more, let God heal me, BELIEVE in the truth of His word. So I tell you all this to say yes it will cost you-You will have to change, you will have to decide what is worth it or not. But I know in the end I got the better DEAL. I put my relationship with Him above everything else and I can’t find that anywhere or in anybody!


I am one who is always down for a party! And if you know me I love cake! Ha! I love the word, celebrate. When I hear it I instantly want to do a happy dance. Maybe it’s something you don’t do often enough…I just want to encourage you-it should be something you are constantly checking to see in your life and in the life of others to rejoice over. I am incredibly thankful for the people God has placed in my life and the special moments I get to be a part of. I stand in awe of His goodness. I love this verse and I have used it many times, just are there are seasons in our lives this is true: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15 (NIV)

Good things happen to us but also to those around us. How are you celebrating with them? This is what friendship is all about not just your life but those God has specifically placed around us. Go on and find something to celebrate today or tomorrow, I know you’ll find something 🎉

Esther 6

Favor? Redemption? Vengeance?

I think as we read this chapter we see an amazing turn of events for Mordecai. Call it what you want you want but God’s plan will prevail, always. It’s no coincidence the King had trouble sleeping, and of all nights- this was the night to have insomnia. For the King ordered the book recording of daily events to be read to him. Now I don’t know about you but that would certainly put me to sleep!

Get this—It just so happen to be the recording of when Mordecai saved his life, chapter 2 vs.21. Although it says the event was recorded-thank God it was- nothing was really done about it. So this night while the King could not sleep, & Haman had built gallows to hang Mordecai, we see hope arise for Mordecai the Jew.

Although Haman, so evil planned and attempted to kill Mordecai that was not the WILL of God. God had a plan-the perfect plan, yes it took some time all the way to chapter 6 and it was the night before he could of possibly been executed. BUT insomnia had striken the King.

Not only does God have a plan to redeem Mordecai for saving the King years ago, guess what??? HIS enemy does it for him with him. Verse 10 you must read…it says Haman paraded him around the city “this is what is done for the man the King wants to honor.” Oh his pride you know it was crushed.

You are not forgotten friend. Though you may have done what is right and no reward is evident, this story proves at one point or another in our lives we will be redeemed. Stay the course friends, steady and faithful. God orchastetes things beyond our comprehension and we may not understand, ever. Stay true and honest to who He has called you to be and all the pieces will fall in place.


When I think about wisdom I immediately think of an older person, one with white hair who has lived a LONG time. My Prayer for 2019 is for God to fill me with Wisdom unlike never before. What does that look like? Can we even ask for that? I’m only 35- What do I know? Yes, In my 35 years here I have had to endure a lot of pain and heartache but also a lot of joy and love. I’m talking about wisdom in making everyday decisions as a woman, mother and wife. Wisdom in daily choices-Lord is this where you want me to go? Should I say this? Is that wise? I’ve been reading in Proverbs with the First 5 App, through Proverbs 31 Ministries and I have been contemplating Chapter 2 for a week now. I guess I have never really let the words sink in my soul. It’s really so simple-well not really- But God does give us instruction. Are we listening though? If you haven’t read Proverbs 2 I encourage you to read it and more than once. It tells us “to call out to insight and lift our voice to understanding”(vs 3). Ask God what does wisdom look like in my life, show me. I love verse 6 “For The Lord give wisdom from His mouth and understanding” How many times do we read His word and not have understanding? Here we can ask for it–He wants us too! I want to make wise choices in a world that is “have it your way” or instant pot technology (lol), even cooking is being rushed. Wise may mean waiting and waiting for a long time or walking alone……Just know God is with you, He’s trying to teach us something and it requires TIME!

Esther 5

Esther Chapter 5

Haman was a prideful man. 
Boasting on ALL he had(vs11), yet still could not find satisfaction in the position and wealth given to him by the King. 
He wanted Mordecai dead for not fearing him and showing him he was not intimidated by his presence. 

I can’t help but think in the previous chapter Esther and Mordecai fasted seeking God’s will. 
Immediately this scripture comes to mind “for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age”…..
(Ephesians 6:2 NKJV)

Though we end with the order of the gallows being constructed for Mordecai to hang- there’s still one more banquet to be had by Esther for the King, one more night, one more day! 

There is Hope….this story is not finished. Just when things look like they are over for Mordecai, (gallows are going up) and Haman is boasting in the presence of friends scheming destruction-
GOD has the final say. 
He works and orchestrates things beyond our comprehension. 
He is fighting for us!

Esther 4

Esther chapter 4
How many times do we let something we’ve heard grip us with fear? 
When Mordecai hears of Haman’s plans to wipe out the Jews he tore his clothes and cried loudly and bitterly. (vs1) 
When Esther heard the news she was overcome with fear. (vs4)

It’s so easy to believe that is the FINAL outcome. 
BUT one important thing happened between Mordecai & Esther….they fasted. 
They fasted about the situation, the present circumstance. 
Not only just the two of them, it says “they” referring to some of the Jewish people who had heard of the decree and her female servants as well. 
The severity of the threat to the Jewish people bound them up together to fast. 

1. Fasting will change outcomes. 

2. Have people bind with you in fasting. 

3. Don’t let fear have the last word. Though you may feel helpless, bitter, hopeless there’s still ONE more thing you can try-fasting.

Esther 2

Esther chapter 2 shows us 
how Gods covenant with his people (Jews) is still going strong. 
The fact that Esther was placed in the care of Mordecai, and he had adopted her as his own daughter is not a coincidence. 
All a part of God’s perfect plan!
The favor on Esther’s life is evident. 
Coincidence? No all a part of God’s plan! 
She gained favor wherever she went or from whatever she did. 
God had a plan- he specifically choose Esther to save the Jews in the coming chapters. 

I can’t help but think……

1. God is sovereign-He will use anyone anything to make His will. 

2. She did NOT reveal she was of Jewish descent to the king or anyone in the courts because Mordecai told her not too. 

3. She became Queen…but it took some time. Approx. 3-4 years before she became queen that’s a long time to keep a secret lol

Esther 1

Esther 1:12
“But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s command that was delivered by his eunuchs. The king became furious and his anger burned within him.”

Reading through chapter one

  1. Vashti refused because she wanted to keep her dignity. The king was clearly off his wagon when the request was made
  2. The King became angry saw it as an act of defiance.
  3. Sometimes when we stand for something we believe in we loose.
    But it doesn’t mean God is not working it out on our behalf.

2 things I learned about Vashti.

  1. Chapter one says she was very beautiful
  2. She clearly had a great deal of self respect for herself.

Although her choice to not appear before the king and his friends cost her the crown, she did not put herself in that position.

Makes me think………

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